JOKES!!!!

ok i've got this really funny joke i want to tell you guys and i also want to hear some of yours! ok so here is mine:

There was three guys who where going some where and and run out of gas. they luckly got to a gas station but they where really low on cash... as they walked out of the gas station one of them spotted a Largest Pig contest sign. So they go to the closest farm and ask for the farmer's largest pig and hand him the $12 they had. He just laughs and heads into the back. He comes back with the runt of the litter and hands it to them....

They begin to realize how this wasn't going to work. The smartest guy suddenly had an idea, "Lets feed him all the food in our Van," He suggests. The other two agree and then the Middle guy speaks up, "But what about how its just going to come back out," he says. The Dumbest guy suddenly jumps up and down and suggests they stick a cork into the pigs butt so it won't go. They all say "NOT IT!" all at once and do this a few times.

The smartest guy suddenly has an idea and suggests they go to the nearby zoo and teach a monkey how so none of them have too. So the monkey does what he is taught and they take the monkey and the pig to the contest.

( pig gets big.... win contest)

Hospital:
the first guy is in cradle position. doctor ask what wrong he said " so much crap!!" Then the doctor goes into the next room that the dumbest guy is in. He is in the corner but looking around wildly. The doctor asks him whats wrong, the guy is silent at first but quietly he says:"The walls, the roof, the floor...........SO MUCH CRAP!" He says but thats all the doctor can get out of him.

Finally the doctor walks into the third room and the smartest guy is laughing terribly bad. The doctor asks him to calm down and asks him what happened. He just laughs harder but spits out, "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE MONKEY TRYING TO PUT THE CORK BACK IN!"

*finished for Lippy by Jade*

okay that was good i got a few....

what do you do if a blond throws a granade at you ????
take the pin out and throw it back at her

(okay i have two brothers that play call of duty ..ive tried..i stink but if this was a real life situation to me i would probaby do it lol!!!)
or

Why does a blond prefer BMW over Chevrolet?
She can spell BMW!


A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So she goes to the library and reads and researches ice fishing. Then she goes to the sporting goods store and buys everything she needs.
Then she finally thinks she is ready so she goes out to the ice and starts drilling a hole. Suddenly she hears a voice from up above. It says: "There are no fish under the ice."

So she decides to go farther down on the ice. She starts drilling and she hears the voice again: "There are no fish under the ice."

So she packs up her things and moves down the ice again. She starts drilling and she hears the voice again, "There are no fish under the ice."

"Is that you Lord?" she says.

"No," says the voice, "I'm the manager of the ice hockey rink."

okay i am not that dumb but its funny lol hope you like it !!!

xD haha

Okay here are a few of mine:

What do you call a girl with one leg:

Ilean

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs:

Matt

LoL those r funny !!!!!!!!

here:What do you call a blond who can't swim?
Bait!

A blond was driving to the airport when she saw a sign that read, "Airport - Left," so she turned around and went back home.

A blonde and brunette a both jump off a cliff at the same time. Which one will hit the bottom first?
The brunette, because the blonde has to ask for directions.


(no offense in any of the jokes im saying cuz i am a blond too and you can ask anyone i know i am really stupid.. so no offense )

okay i have a joke ...its very wierd and you would think only a 13 year old girl would think this joke is funny but if you ask me its hillarios ....okay so here it goes

how do you wake up lady gaga?????

relpy and ill tell you

how?

Ooh! I know, my friends friend started this one.

Pokerface!

yep lol i love that joke its so funny..lol

xD haha

I got a new one

What do you call a Japanese lady with one leg?

Irean xD

lol hahahahahaha... lol thats a good one....

xD I have a few more too! xD

((sowey its a blonde joke))


Three girl walk into a church and are about to put the holy water on their face when the priest walks over and tells them that they must commit a sin before they can put it on their faces. So the three head off to commit a sin. First the Brunette returns and the preist asks her what she did. "I spray painted on a wall," She says and put the holy water on her face. Then the Red head returns, "I mooned people," She says and puts the holy water on her face. Lastly the blonde returns and the priest asks her what she did. "I peed in the holly water!"

HOLY CRAP THAT IS FUNNY!!!!!!!!!. lol..... wow okay now im a blond and i have many blond moments ,like my friend at school calls me barbie oviously im not that stupid, but that is funny!

Here a blonde joke I heard from my cousin.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A blonde goes to Las Vegas and she puts a quarter in a machine and a soda comes out, she puts in another quarter, and another soda comes out.

Later on, there's a long line behind her, and the person behind her says, "Hurry," and she says, "Shhhh, I'm winning."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

And she was playing on a soda machine.

LOL okay BLOND jokes are THE FUNNIEST LOL......SEE IM THE BLOND ONE IN MY FAMILY .... ALSO IM THE ONE WHO PICKED UP a bit of THE SOUTHERN ACCSENT ... we moved down here from ny a couple years ago and i get picked on for somee blond moments and the whole southern accsent ... lol its kinda funny but it gets annoying ... and its nnnot even a big accsnt sometimes i say things with it on purpose but sometimes its not ant that is when i gat picked on lol but that was funny

I got another one.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There's a blonde, she walks in a pawnshop, or something like that. She asks the Manger, "Can I but that T.V."

He says, "I don't sell T.V.'s to blondes", she walks out and dyes her hair red. She walks in again, and asks the Manager,
"Can I but that T.V."

He says, "I don't sell T.V.'s to blondes", she walks out and dyes her hair black.She walks in again, and asks the Manager, "Can I but that T.V." He says, "I don't sell T.V.'s to blondes" and she's says to him, "How do you know
I'm a blonde."

And he says, "That's a microwave."

Lol yeh i've heard that one before.

okay ..... let me catch my breath... than agian i might just think this is funny cuz i have had an expirence like that but that is funny....here i am makeing fun of myself it does not get any better than that.. lol...

He He your enjoying your self!!

ya lol i am ...

i love blond jokes

ya ...are you blond??

I just found some of these saying and stuff like that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The real world is where people with no imagination live and do everything they are told not letting themselves do things they want to do, but in the imaginary world, where my clay sculptures live, everyone can do as they want to and not play by the rules.

Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing - Gary Coleman is going to drown.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football

She can hardly get through an open door without explicit directions.

Ah, stardom! They put your name on a star in the sidewalk on Hollywood Boulevard and you walk down and find a pile of dog manure on it. That tells the whole story, baby.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldn’t need a broomstick to cling onto.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

lol i like the harry potter one

I like this one that my sis told me:

I have to use people on the site but eh XD

Don't take it offensively Barb

So Me, Barb, Danny and Jamie all get into a car accident and die XD

We all go to heaven and there is an angel and she says to us all "You can do anything you want here but don't step on a blue cloud," And with that she's gone

Several hours later we are all sitting around and decided to go to the theater to catch a flying flick. But it seems that Danny forgot something and leaves.

He comes back with this hideous girl. We all ask what happens and he says he stepped on a blue cloud.

Jamie then leaves because he too forgot his.......something or another XD

He comes back with another Beautifully challenged girl and we all ask what happened.

He says that he stepped on a blue cloud. Next I remembered I left my keys at my house.

A few minutes later I come back with this Disgustingly gross guy and You guys ask what happened. I said, "I stepped on a blue cloud,"

Now it seems its barbs turn to leave. She comes back with this totally drop dead gorgeous guy. We all ask again what happened and he says, "I stepped on a blue cloud"

LOL XD

i dont get it